Sunday, February 12, 2006

Cheney "Accidentally" Shoots Fellow Hunter

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed Whittington with shotgun pellets on Saturday at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Armstrong said Cheney turned to shoot a bird and accidentally hit Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial Hospital by ambulance.

The Vice President then drew his knife in an attempt to finish off his quarry. When Secret Service agents converged to stop him from claiming yet another victim, Cheney launched into a tirade of, "You wanna be next? Who fuckin' wants some?"

When asked later by reporters about the incident, Vice President Cheney responded with a quiet reminiscence, "I usually don't wound them. It's almost always a clean kill. I'll never forget my first when I was just seven years old. He was a homeless man my parents had released into the wild for my birthday. While gutting him I drank a cup of his still steaming blood as a way of preserving his spirit. That's when I really got a taste for it. By the way, have any of you journalist pukes seen Adam Clymer lately? If you'd like to, come check out my trophy room."