Sunday, February 26, 2006

The Presidential Double

This is a pretty funny clip from Jeff Foxworthy's roast on Comedy Central.

After seeing that I had to find out who that guy was. It turns out his name is Steve Bridges. When I went looking around his site, I found this:

As usual, the president shows class:

They say everyone has a double somewhere in the world. President George W. Bush on February 24th found his in – of all places – the Oval Office of the White House.

“Is this me?” Bush asked with a wry smile when coming face to face for the first time with comedian/impressionist Steve Bridges. Well, yes and no.

For the past year, Bridges has been doing his right-on impression of President Bush for audiences across the nation. And while he’s not really the president, most people are hard pressed to tell them apart.

Although Bridges wasn’t in makeup when he Haney, Manager - Randy Nolen and Publicist - Jim Howard visited the Oval Office, that didn’t stop the president from laughing. Or from giving his candid review of the taped performances he’s seen of Bridges being him.

“He remarked how odd it was to see someone who looks and acts like him. In fact, I think he said it was downright weird.”

That would be “weird” in a good way, however.

“The President said he really appreciated the tone of my material, how it was all in fun and something he’d feel comfortable having his daughters hear.”

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Point to remember

I'm pretty sure my "Mr. Mom" stories aren't nearly so funny to people who aren't me, but... I'd just like to say for anyone interested that being woken up at six AM by a screaming, crying, wet, soapy, naked six-year old who decided that was a good time to get up and take a bath by himself is utterly terrifying.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

OK, I know this probably isn't proper but...

The last time I saw the guy he had a beer bong attached to his face.

Andrew "Spoo" Clark.

I'm proud to call him a friend. Don't ask how he got the nick name.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Don't marry a whore - explanation of absence.

I want to try to give an explanation for my absence.

About six months ago I discovered that my wife had been having multiple affairs over the past few years. If you are reading this you are online. There is a good chance that you are one of the people she was sleeping with.

Since the beginning of August of last year it has been just me and my six year old son living here. Each day before school I help him brush his teeth and wash his hair. I walk him to the bus every morning. We read books and play games together every night. HE's the person I see every day.

About two months ago "Mom" got some legal advice that she should try to fulfill her maternal role or she might have to pay child support.

Now, "Mom" suddenly wants custody.

If there is anyone out there wishing some advice about the effects of infidelity, I'm more than happy to lend an opinion.

P.J. O'Rourke once wrote, "When it comes to divorce, you must consider the children. Consider them valuable pawns in the massive economic and legal battle that is about to ensue."

Lord, do I wish that weren't so. There is no winning this fight. Only degrees of losing. And it's a six year old kid who is going to lose the most.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Cheney "Accidentally" Shoots Fellow Hunter

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed Whittington with shotgun pellets on Saturday at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Armstrong said Cheney turned to shoot a bird and accidentally hit Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial Hospital by ambulance.

The Vice President then drew his knife in an attempt to finish off his quarry. When Secret Service agents converged to stop him from claiming yet another victim, Cheney launched into a tirade of, "You wanna be next? Who fuckin' wants some?"

When asked later by reporters about the incident, Vice President Cheney responded with a quiet reminiscence, "I usually don't wound them. It's almost always a clean kill. I'll never forget my first when I was just seven years old. He was a homeless man my parents had released into the wild for my birthday. While gutting him I drank a cup of his still steaming blood as a way of preserving his spirit. That's when I really got a taste for it. By the way, have any of you journalist pukes seen Adam Clymer lately? If you'd like to, come check out my trophy room."

Friday, February 10, 2006

It's not the headline, but still...

I assume every journalist by now has heard the old joke. Wouldn't that give somebody pause before writing this?
The standoff between Mr. Fisher and the research service's top leaders comes at a tense time for the agency. Its staffers have been complaining for months about a plan to cut 59 employees, many of them women and minorities, because of budgetary cutbacks. As of last fall, the research service had a total staff of 710, according to its own figures.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Naval Gazing

As much crap as is deservedly thrown at the fellows on the sea. They manage to make even mundane tasks look really frickin' cool!

Thanks to the O'Club for supplying this and a whole lot of other really cool pictures.

Fair winds and following seas, boys.

A really good question

A couple of days ago I read a piece at Mark in Mexico's site. He has a pretty good argument for Hugh Hewitt. But more than that he raises a larger question. If you haven't already, go read it.

Hugh does make one statement with which I am afraid I do not agree. Or, better, about which I harbor some serious doubts. He says,
"The jihadists are the enemy, not the Muslim world."
Man, I wish I could have the same level of confidence as Hugh that this were true. Maybe I'll just wish and hope that it is true. I'll wish and hope that he is right and that my feelings of foreboding concerning another 50-year war just over the next horizon are ill founded.

I would ask Hugh this question: Do you think that Julian Bond represents mainstream African American thought? I think that he does. I think that of the 900 people sitting in the auditorium listening to Bond's speech, 4 walked out and 896 agreed, in whole or in part, with what he said. I think that Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, Cynthia McKinney, Charles Rangel, Maxine Waters, Kanye West, The Congressional Black Caucus et al represent current mainstream African American thought. The 15% or so who do not subscribe to the above mentioned spokespersons are NOT the mainstream. We might wish that they were so, but wishing it were so does not make it so.

The same is true in the "Muslim world" of which Hugh speaks. The 85% or so of Muslims who believe the US to be evil, bin Laden to be a hero, that Jews are sons of pigs and dogs, want Sharia law established worldwide and demand that the cartoonists be punished ARE the mainstream. We might wish that it were not so, but wishing it were not so does not make it not so.

My feeling is that the only reason that a world war between civilizations has not already broken out is that the vast majority of Muslims living in the world today are so desperately poor that they have the time, energy and resources for only the occasional burst of AK-47 fire into the air from the garbage and sewage laden streets outside of their mud huts. Give them resources and I fear that they will come after us everywhere that they can find us, which is to say everywhere.

I hope I'm wrong and Hugh is right.

Is this true?

While I'm hardly ever surprised at the ability of large bureaucratic organizations to make idiotic mistakes, this one strikes me as needing some sort of confirmation. I know the Army can fuck up in ways that rival Dali paintings in their creativity particularly when it comes to soldiers pay and such, but if this is true all I can say is, "Wow, a new masterpiece."

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (Feb. 8) - A former U.S. soldier injured in Iraq says he was forced to pay $700 for a blood-soaked body armor vest that was destroyed after medics removed it to treat shrapnel wounds to his arm.

First Lt. William "Eddie" Rebrook IV, 25, had to leave the Army because of his injuries. But before he could be discharged last week, he had to scrounge up cash from his buddies to pay for the body armor or face not being discharged for months. Rebrook was billed because a supply officer failed to document that the vest had been destroyed more than a year ago as a biohazard.

Now, I understand that screwups happen. But someone please tell me this was straightened out forthwith, or better yet, that it didn't really happen.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Our bodies, ourselves.

I'm not the first to make the observation. The first place I remember seeing it was from Mr. Lileks. I might even be plagiarizing him because his writing does tend to stick in my mind. However, it bears repeating.

If there wasn't a war on. If 9-11 had never happened. If we had never decided to take down Saddam's regime. If the Taliban was still in power.

These people would still be protesting. They would be protesting with the same vehemence and sense of self-congratulation. They would have the same amount of sanctimony. They would be no less strident in their cause. They would just have signs relating to irradiated beef or Starbucks in schools or something else.

And I wanted an excuse to put a set of tits on the site. I just couldn't think of something to write next to Patricia Arquette.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

What's a little slander of soldiers in the cause of a "larger truth?"

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the collection of kooks, including this honey, who were getting together to pretend they had the authority to issue indictments of President Bush. While the fetching Ms. Karpinski was engaged in this fun little exercise, she decided to take a swing at her former compatriots:

Last week, Col. Janis Karpinski told a panel of judges at the Commission of Inquiry for Crimes against Humanity Committed by the Bush Administration in New York that several women had died of dehydration because they refused to drink liquids late in the day. They were afraid of being assaulted or even raped by male soldiers if they had to use the women's latrine after dark.

For example, Maj. Gen. Walter Wojdakowski, Sanchez's top deputy in Iraq, saw "dehydration" listed as the cause of death on the death certificate of a female master sergeant in September 2003. Under orders from Sanchez, he directed that the cause of death no longer be listed, Karpinski stated. The official explanation for this was to protect the women's privacy rights.
One problem. No female master sergeants have died in Operation Iraqi Freedom. I suppose this is fake, but accurate enough to use as a slur against our military as being such a bunch of appalling rapists that women will dehydrate themselves rather than risk having to go to the bathroom at night for fear of rape. Who cares if the story is actually true? What matters is that people think the worst about our military. Don't forget, they support the troops.

Over at Never Yet Melted, Darwin points out another rather obvious problem with the idea that female soldiers are such easy rape fodder that they cannot safely hit the latrine.

******* Update ********

Stars to Eagles Batman!!!! Greyhawk does a job on this story. I stopped after one idiotic lie. Greyhawk hits them ALL! The best line of all is:
Relieved of command and reduced in rank, her own defense in the subsequent months has been that while everyone above her in rank knew what everyone below her in rank was doing, she had been kept in the dark.