Wednesday, September 28, 2005

First Day of School

I've spawned a Conehead.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Not Quite the American Dream, But I'd Take It

This is a pretty cool story that I read today.
Man Takes Citizenship Oath, Wins Lottery

The Associated Press

DES MOINES, Iowa A man who immigrated from Kenya to the United States found prosperity beyond his expectations on the day he became a U.S. citizen.

Shortly after Moses Bittok, of West Des Moines, took the oath of citizenship on Friday, he discovered he had a $1.89 million winning ticket from the Iowa Lottery's Hot Lotto game.

"It's almost like you adopted a country and then they netted you $1.8 million," Bittok said Monday as he cashed in his ticket. "It doesn't happen anywhere - I guess only in America."

Bittok said he took the citizenship oath at the federal building in Des Moines Friday then went shopping with his family. They stopped at a gas station to check his lottery ticket from the Sept. 21 drawing.

"For some reason, I'm calm," he said. His wife, Leonida, screamed.

Bittok, 40, an officer at the Iowa Correctional Institute for Women in Mitchellville, said he doesn't know exactly what he will do with his winnings, but a college fund for the couples 4-year-old daughter, Mindy, is top priority.
Everyone always asks, "If you won the lottery would you still keep your job?" My standard answer is that I would get a new job wearing the seats out on my new boat. However, if I worked in a women's prison I might rethink that position. I've seen movies.

Seriously though, what a cool day to have. "Welcome to your new country, here's a shitpile of money to help you on your way." As the title of the post suggests, I don't think this is the American dream, but it's maybe the American daydream.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Freedom Fighters Murder 16 in Iraq

The murderous thugs who just want to end the occupation of their peaceful nation by a foreign invader murdered 16 more people yesterday including 5 school teachers. Make no mistake, these are the people that the "anti-war, let's pull our troops out now" crowd wants to abandon that nation to. God help us all if they succeed.

Her 15 Minutes Up, Cindy Sheehan Proves She CAN Still Get Arrested in This Town

By JENNIFER C. KERR, Associated Press Writer 5 minutes ago

Cindy Sheehan, the California woman who has used her son's death in Iraq to spur the anti-war movement, was arrested Monday while protesting outside the White House.

Sheehan and several dozen other protesters sat down on the sidewalk after marching along the pedestrian walkway on Pennsylvania Avenue. Police warned them three times that they were breaking the law by failing to move along, then began making arrests.

Sheehan was the first taken into custody. She stood up and was led to a police vehicle while protesters chanted, "The whole world is watching."

I can't wait to hear from the tinfoil crowd.

Pledging Allegiance

Blackfive tells a cool little story about his four year old. It made me think of a time a couple of years ago when I was in a big arcade at the Mall of America. There was a guy there with his two sons, ages approx. 5 and 7. They were getting ready to play the hockey game under the dome. If anyone isn't familiar with the game, once you put your money in you hear the last few lines of the national anthem played and the roar of the crowd before the first face-off.

The guy put his quarters in the machine and all three of them stood there with their hands over their hearts in the middle of the arcade listening to the anthem. Sure it's corny, but I found it to be really cool and sweet.

Protest Recaps

Smash went to witness first hand the farce over the weekend in San Diego. He provides a pretty amusing recap. It includes this heartwarming moment:

JAMAL KANJ, a fiery Palestinian from a group called Al-Awda, takes the podium. “We Palestinians,” he begins, “have been subjected to GENOCIDE at the hands of the Israelis for generations." He rants on. "In 1948, they forced us out of our homes, and today we must DRIVE THE JEWS FROM PALESTINE!”

Suddenly, a middle-aged man wearing a black “F the President” T-shirt rushes the stage, screaming at Kanj, “I’m TIRED of this CRAP! You people keep bringing this up! This is supposed to be an ANTI-WAR rally, not an ANTI-ISRAEL rally!”

Kanj yells back, into the microphone. Others in the crowd stand up and join in the shouting match.

The Arab-Israeli conflict has arrived in San Diego.

Over at The Mudville Gazette, Greyhawk does a really funny photo compilation from the protest while juxtaposing them with the "Dos and Don'ts" as suggested by the Daily Kos from before the protest. He doesn't even bother to comment. The photos say it all.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Nothing Interesting to Say

Since I can't think of anything to write about, I'm going to fall back on the tried and true blogger crutch of a list.

Five movies I'm embarrassed to admit that I like.
  1. Titanic (I actually saw this at an Imax theatre. Imagine how big Ms. Winslet's cans were THERE.)
  2. Sliding Doors
  3. The Notebook
  4. Before Sunrise (I had been awake for around 42 hours the first time I saw this so my judgment may be flawed)
  5. Riding in Cars with Boys
I'll be spending tomorrow getting fitted for my new skirt.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Two Stories That Have Sickened Me Today

Darleen and GOP Vixen pointed out two items today that just left me stunned.

The first one is a story at Kid Squared about some serious child neglect. It's about a nanny that is clearly in the wrong business. It's titled "What would you have done?" I still haven't been able to come up with a satisfactory answer for myself on what even the proper response would be, much less how I would actually have reacted.
I could tell Mike had been crying for a while because he had escalated to the point of heaving.
Five minutes later Mike was still wailing, unable to catch his breath as he sat on the sand; the women were still ignoring him. My heart began to hurt. I imagined that there had been some sort of fight over the car and that Mike threw a fit and his mother had asked told him he would have to wait his turn, or maybe little Mike had even hit the other boy, so the mom was letting him sit for a bit. But Mike had been hysterical for so long that it felt like the mother should help him work through it, regardless of what he had done - because after all he was just barely two, if even that. I watched her turn to Mike and then abruptly walk away from him and get something from her bag. Ah, I thought, she's gotten a tissue to wipe his nose, now she will tend to him. But she didn't. Instead swiped his nose forcefully and then picked him up and roughly moved him back to the spot she had picked for him to sit.
The second is reported by the AP. It's a story about a 14 year old girl being kicked out of a Christian School because her parents are a pair of lesbians.

"Your family does not meet the policies of admission," Superintendent Leonard Stob wrote to Tina Clark, the girl's biological mother.

Stob wrote that school policy requires that at least one parent may not engage in practices "immoral or inconsistent with a positive Christian life style, such as cohabitating without marriage or in a homosexual relationship," The Los Angeles Times reported in Friday's edition.

I just can't understand how people can be intentionally cruel to kids. Methodically. The people who have been entrusted to CARE for them. Fuckers

"The porkbusters fight is fun now, but not since early cave men tried to train grizzly bears to give them tongue-baths has a project seemed more obviously doomed to end in disappointment. Expecting Congress — of either party — to give back pork which has already been approved and passed into law is like expecting crack whores to give refunds days after services have been rendered."

- Jonah Goldberg

Thursday, September 22, 2005

News From Iraq

For the past week I'd been looking for news from the war aside from the MSM's casualty reports. Jeff Goldstein pointed out that Bill Roggio did a great recap for the past month's operations in a Flash presentation. Go watch it.

Now Bush is Making Local Officials Steal Relief Supplies

Update: I stand corrected on this. Digital Brownshirt has pointed out that the CAO isn't an elected official. He's appointed. It's still a little unclear who appointed him, not that it really matters that much. But according to Kenner's (the suburb) website he's the highest ranking appointed official in city government. I'm doing some research now to find out just how big of a dumbass I am.

While doing this research I came across Louisiana Libertarian's Blog. He has a frightening post on other corruption going on there after the storm. I'm not going to reprint it here after just being too fast and loose with my own stuff, but go read it.

From the AP:

Police found cases of food, clothing and tools intended for hurricane victims at the home of the chief administrative officer for a New Orleans suburb, authorities said Wednesday.

Officers searched Cedric Floyd's home because of complaints that city workers were helping themselves to donations for hurricane victims. Floyd, who runs the day-to-day operations in the suburb of Kenner, was in charge of distributing the goods.

Police plan to seek a charge of committing an illegal act as a public official against Floyd, and more charges against other city workers are possible, police Capt. Steve Caraway said.

The donations filled a large pickup truck four times. "It was an awful lot of stuff," Caraway said.

Is there no end to Bush's incompetence in allowing localities to have such corrupt officials? We all know that it's the President who elects local officials. *** See correction at top

Tip o'the hat to NE Republican.

Thank God Bush Isn't in Crawford

Apparently city mayors are able to USE buses when the president isn't in Crawford, TX. It sure is a good thing that Bush isn't on "vacation" so that we can see pictures like this in Galveston:

Instead of this.

Thanks to Powerline for the thought and the Galveston photo.

Update -- Lots of good comment at GOP Bloggers

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Point Five

I'm probably like the guy at the party who is talking about the really great restaurant he "discovered" that everyone else has known about for years. Oh well, it's still new to me. I just read Point Five for the first time. God is that guy funny.

Kilbride complimented Rather on his years of reading the news– out loud– and noted that Mr. Gore had been looking for a new project ever since his delving into the subject of global warming had resulted in discoveries that global warming could cause such diverse meteorological effects as additional global warming, global cooling, and possibly even global stay- the- saming.

“No matter what happens, Mr. Gore believes that humanity stands at a precarious precipice. We may see dramatic, or infinitesimal, changes– or no changes at all. Every piece of evidence Mr. Gore has uncovered so far, falls in lockstep with these dire predictions.”

Just go to his site and start reading. Make sure you keep liquids out of your mouth before you do.

Other Military Idioms

During my brief stint in uniform a lifetime ago I always got a kick out of some of the idioms that are frequently used, mostly by NCOs, to describe subjects of their derision. I'd never heard, "Stuck on Stupid" until yesterday. Until then my favorite had always been, "F*cked up as a soup sandwich." I know there were plenty of others, but the years and the whiskey have erased them from my mind. Anyone have any others they are particularily fond of?

Linked to The Mudville Gazette.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

That's Not My Bag, Baby

From the AP:
Jurors Will See Judge's Alleged Sex Toy

Jurors hearing the case against a former judge accused of exposing himself in his Creek County courtroom will be allowed to see the sex toy at the center of the state's allegations, a judge ruled Tuesday in rejecting a defense motion.

They also can hear testimony that a second "penis pump" was seen under former District Judge Donald Thompson's bench, among other evidence Thompson's attorneys sought to have barred from next week's scheduled trial.

Thompson, 58, who spent more than 20 years on the bench before stepping down more than a year ago, faces three counts of indecent exposure.

Prosecutors allege he masturbated with a penis pump under his robe while presiding over two murder trials and a civil trial in 2003. Thompson denies the allegations and said the penis pump seized in the case was a gag gift from a friend.

Who among us hasn't masturbated using one of the two penis pumps that we own while presiding over a murder trial? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Also, when reading the story, it doesn't sound like there was any actual exposure. Does there need to be for a charge of indecent exposure?

I also realized from my three of my last four posts that I need to find new reading material.

Ending Pornography

Ace has a great post on the latest idiocy emanating from the DOJ. My 3 favorite lines:

"Here's when you can be on the Supreme Court, Alberto:

The first Monday of October in the year Two Thousand and Never."

"What's especially heartbreaking is that millions of immigrants come to America with the dream of becoming all-anal Asian teen gangbang c*m sluts, and now we're just shutting the door in their faces."

And, finally.

"Oh, eat me."

This is such obvious fodder for attacking the misprioritizing of DOJ assets that I'm not even going to bother. This needs to be attacked on its merits, or lack thereof.

Isn't there something in the constitution about police powers and which level of government is responsible for that? If some overly intrusive crone wants to get her oversized panties in a twist about this in some area of the country, it's easier to deal with than when the FEDERAL EFFIN' GOVERNMENT decides to take on the role.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Is This Really Necessary?

Snopes has ferreted out another hoax. This one must have taken some serious research and digging. The fact that someone actually asked is somewhat embarrassing to me as a human.

This is the ad that someone actually had to write into Snopes and ask about:

No word on whether this story is a hoax or not.

Big thanks to Digital Brownshirt for highlighting this nonsense.

Bill O'Reilly Now Has Me Defending Child Molestors

Damn him! I've never seen anyone take such pride in being a pompous windbag. Will someone hand the guy a dictionary. When he claims that ALL sex offenders are "violent" because he doesn't know the difference between the words "serious" and "violent" it just grates on my nerves. You can do harm to someone without doing violence. This is the second time in a week that he's made this same claim. It's just maddening to watch. I have to stop. Ruining the language to make your point is beyond annoying. I put this up with "environmental racism" and "economic genocide" for rhetorical sins.

I can't find a transcript, but I'll link it if I can.

Linked to the Carnival of the Clueless at RWNH.

Friday, September 16, 2005

This is What I Think of

I read this story today from the BBC about the Gitmo prisoners who are engaged in a hunger strike. I've never quite gotten this tactic.
Dozens of detainees have joined a hunger strike at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp, bringing the number refusing food to 128, US officials say.

Eighteen prisoners have been hospitalised, including 13 who are being tube-fed.

Lawyers for the detainees say they are demanding release or immediate trial.

Does this make sense to anyone? People who want to kill themselves and take thousands of innocents with them are offering to deep-six themselves at NO COST to us. I say we accept this offer.

Thanks to Wyatt Earp for inspiring the thought by posting the image.

Harvey of the Alliance is looking for other reasons for the ongoing hunger strike.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Jihadis Have One of Our Pilots

I first read about the Jihadis shooting down one of our hi-tech warbirds over the skies of Iraq from The Jawa Report. It turns out they have also captured the pilot of this downed aircraft. The brave mujahadin have release a video available at Rusty's site. They have also broadcast this image of the poor pilot.

Constitution in Exile... WTF?

I was watching (God help me) O'Reilly's show tonight. Chuck Schumer referred to "The Constitution-in-Exile movement." I remember vaguely reading about this phrase a few months ago. Be prepared for this to become a major meme for the NEXT SCOTUS nominee.

I did a little searching. Basically I found the same things David Bernstein discovered and expressed in the article he wrote back in April.
First, I take issue with the whole idea that there is a "Constitution in Exile movement," as such. [UPDATE: co-blogger Orin makes similar points here.] "Constitution in Exile" is a phrase used by Judge Douglas Ginsburg in an obscure article in Regulation magazine in 1995. From then until 2001, I, as someone who knows probably just about every libertarian and most Federalist Society law professors in the United States (there aren't that many of us), and who teaches on the most libertarian law faculty in the nation, never heard the phrase.
The only references I found to the phrase in the past week are leftists CLAIMING that conservatives belong to a movement of this name. A few examples:

Left in the West
Daily Pundit
Judging the Future
The J Continuum
And most notably, he who I think kicked off this nonsensical phrase, Jeffrey Rosen in the NY Times.

How Big of a Problem is This

From the AP:

Germans were ordered Thursday to stay serious when having their photographs taken for new passports, wiping away any grins, smirks or smiles so that biometric scanners can pick up their facial features.

Interior Minister Otto Schily ordered passport authorities to only accept pictures taken from the front showing the "most neutral facial expression possible," starting Nov. 1.

Has there really been a problem with Germans smiling too much throughout history? I mean, wouldn't the rest of the world rather see this
Than this?

Conversation with self

Just come up with something to say.... anything. Lots of stuff going on. But everyone is saying what you want to say better than you ever could.

Ok. Fucking Packers.

Update: Let's look at Ashley Judd instead.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hijabbering Kid

Today I stopped at a convenience store with my five year-old son. The woman working there was wearing a hijab. Being the shy boy that he is, he immediately asked her, "Why are you wearing that mask?" (I immediately wished I had one) She replied very nicely that it was part of her religion and that she wears it for the same reason he wears a shirt.

When we got back in the car he was still unsatisfied with that answer, so I explained that she was wearing it so no one would recognize her when she was taking flight lessons.

Actually, I didn't have a decent explanation for him. He doesn't understand concepts like modesty (he REALLY doesn't understand that one), or even religion. If anyone has any suggestions on this, I'd love to hear them.

Begging for Action

This is just a shameless cry for attention, but I figured it might make Ace like me enough to be part of the cool kids club.

Monday, September 05, 2005

The Great Divide

Bill from Eject! Eject! Eject! writes what I think is one of the best pieces on the divide in this nation I have ever read. It positively nails the differences. One of my favorite parts:
In New York, we had a governor who got every available resource on the ground as fast as it could get there, and in Louisiana we have a governor who...cried. Governor, your job is to not cry. Your job is to be strong. We have plenty of civilians crying. You want to cry, cry in the car on the way home like everybody else did four years ago. Crying Governors, race-baiting mayors and looting police do not a Finest Hour make.
Also, sort of a personal note. He references LTC Dave Grossman in the article. I met Colonel Grossman once a long time ago when he was a major and I was a young lieutenant. I only spoke with him for about 15 minutes, but wow was he an impressive guy. About 8 years later I heard him on the radio promoting a book. I had forgotten his name by then, but I knew it had to be the same guy. I bought the book On Killing in the hopes that it was him. Well worth the money.

I want to give great thanks to Confederate Yankee for pointing this essay out to me.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Shakedown Artist Speaks

The Digital Brownshirt provides a great find. It's going to be hard to keep from just shamelessly ripping him off because there isn't much better way of demonstrating just how incredibly moronic Jesse Jackson has become. Even the AP doesn't bother hiding this.

Jackson questioned why Bush has not named blacks to top positions in the federal response to the disaster, particularly when the majority of victims remaining stranded in New Orleans are black: "How can blacks be locked out of the leadership, and trapped in the suffering?"

"It is that lack of sensitivity and compassion that represents a kind of incompetence."

U.S. Army Lt. Gen. Russell Honore, head of the military task force overseeing operations in the three states, is black. His task force is providing search and rescue, medical help and sending supplies to the three states in support of the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Jackson was in Baton Rouge to take part in a local project using a caravan of buses to pick up people stranded in New Orleans and transport them out. He spoke at a news conference at the state emergency center.

Offered without further comment other than the emphasis.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Holy Christ - Rehnquist Died

This shouldn't be exactly shocking, he was 147 years old and had cancer, but I'm interested to see how the media treats this and how it will affect the upcoming Roberts hearings. Does anyone know where Karl Rove was this evening? This was clearly a ploy to deflect criticism from Bush for Jeff Gannon Valerie Plame The war Cindy Sheehan Katrina.

I was afraid this was bad taste, and I suppose it is. He was a pretty remarkable guy. But then I found REAL bad taste.
Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish
Rehnquist, 80 and ill with cancer, presided over President Clinton's impeachment trial in 1999, helped settle the 2000 presidential election in Bush's favor, and fashioned decisions over the years that diluted the powers of the federal government while strengthening those of the states. That's a polite way of saying that whenever possible he stripped the people of civil liberties granted by the Warren Court, retrenched a woman's right to abortion significantly, maximized the state's police power against ordinary citizenry, and presided over a dysfunctional Supreme Court that rarely agreed upon anything,

Big Bill was born in snowy Wisconsin to stern, Scandinavian parents. Big Bill worked in the Nixon Adminstration Justice Department under the tutorage of John "Tits In A Wringer" Mitchell, running crackback with Pat Buchanan to protect the power of a corrupt Presidency against Archibald Cox and other men and women of common decency and honesty. Appointed to the Supreme Court by Richard Nixon, and appointed Chief Justice by Ronald Raygun, Rehnquist distinguished himself on the Court by exhibiting an admittedly towering intellect and the morals of a radical right wing Neanderthal.

Upon hearing the news, George W. Bush and his posse of right wing baboons broke out the bourbon and pharmaceutical cocaine from Walter Reed and forgot about the poor African Americans dying in New Orleans. Snorting lines off a White House toilet, they are babbling almost incoherently about utilizing a Michael Ovitz approach to Supreme Court nominations and packaging their nomination of John Roberts with Jerry Falwell or a similar extremist right wing nitwit to guarantee the Republicans the religious right, John Birch Society, and Posse Comitatus vote in the next Presidential election. White House interns, mesmerized by the pure white flake being passed around the West Wing, are throwing darts at photographs of Earl Warren, William O. Douglas, and Al Gore.

Clever Whale Uses Fish to Catch Seagulls

"One day I noticed one of the young whales appeared to have come up with a procedure for luring gulls down to the pool," the professor said. "I found it interesting so I noted it in my log."

First, the young whale spit regurgitated fish onto the surface of the water, then sank below the water and waited.

If a hungry gull landed on the water, the whale would surge up to the surface, sometimes catching a free meal of his own.

Noonan watched as the same whale set the same trap again and again.

Within a few months, the whale's younger half brother adopted the practice. Eventually the behavior spread and now five Marineland whales supplement their diet with fresh fowl, the scientist said.

PETA could not be reached for comment

Via the AP.

Mike Myers Reprises An Old Role

I'd never heard of Kanye West. I won't forget him now. When I saw this video, I laughed my ass off. Not at the comments, but at Mike Myers. He's played this role before. I couldn't find a video, but here's the transcript from the Saturday Night Live skit with Heather Locklear from May of 1994.

[Open on the set of the "Amazing Time Savers" infomercial, telephone operators and a bulb-packed map of the United States behind Janet and the product counter ]

Janet Miles: Hello, and welcome to "Amazing Time Savers", your home shopping connection. I'm Janet Miles. As always, operators are standing by to take your calls. And you will certainly want to call my guest on today's show. He brings with him an extraordinary, time-saving invention. But I'm gonna let him tell you all about it. Please welcome, Richard Hayden!

[ Richard comes out laughing excitedly, and stands beside his product ]

Richard Hayden: Thanks, Janet! Thanks for having me on this show. Now, Janet, do you like pasta?

Janet Miles: [ addressing her audience more than Richard ] I love pasta! But the problem is, I never have the time to make it.

Richard Hayden: Really? If I told you that you could have a good-tasting pasta meal, prepared in less than five minutes.. what would you say?

Janet Miles: I'd say you're a few bricks shy of a load!

[ Janet and Richard laugh at her joke ]

Richard Hayden: Well, Janet, I'm not! [ laughs ] And you know what? I'm going to demonstrate my pasta-maker for you and your audience. Do you think your audience would like that?

[ the audience claps ]

Janet Miles: This I have to see! Now, this is a complicated process. Right, Richard?

Richard Hayden: No. My pasta-maker is easy to operate, because the directions are easy to follow.

Janet Miles: Well, we've heard that before: you buy an appliance with easy-to-follow directions, and you get it home, and you need a Ph.D to figure it out. Usually, this "easy direction" stuff is a big lie.. like the Holocaust! [ the phones ring wild, and the bulbs light up on the map ] Now, are your directions really easy to follow? Or is it just another Holocaust-type scam?

Richard Hayden: [ dumbfounded by Janet's statements ] Uh.. they're, uh.. they're, uh.. easy to follow.. they, uh.. involve, uh.. three easy steps..

Janet Miles: Well, does the audience want to see these three easy steps to good-tasting pasta?

[ the audience relunctantly claps ]

Richard Hayden: O..kay.. Well, you just pour in the flour.. [ pours in the flour ] ..the egg and water mix.. [ pours in the egg and water ] ..and that's it. Hit the button, and look. Here comes the pasta [ pasta starts coming out of the machine ].

Janet Miles: [ excited ] So incredible! And so fast! Well, let's take some phone calls! I'm sure people want to find out more about this amazing machine! Caller, you're on "Timesavers"!

Caller #1: [ shaken ] Are you insane?! Did you just say that the Holocaust was a lie?!

Janet Miles: Listen.. there is no way of ever knowing if the Holocaust actually happened. But we do know this is an amazing pasta-maker. Next caller. You're on "Timesaver"!

Caller #2: This is unbelieveable..

Janet Miles: Isn't it! That pasta came out in less that three minutes!

Caller #2: No! I mean, how when I first tuned in to the show, I told my husband how I thought you had crazy eyes.. then, like, a minute later, you said that thing about the Holocaust.. I was right. You are completely insane!

Janet Miles: [ chipper ] And so are you, if you don't order this amazing pasta-maker! Thanks for your call! [ turning to Richard ] Well, Richard, this pasta-maker is truly amazing! And it's made here in America, isn't it?

Richard Hayden: Yes.. It's.. it's an American appliance that makes Italian food.

Janet Miles: [ amazed ] That's great! Because, if you're like me, you're tired of buying from the Jap! [ more phones ring ] Everywhere you turn, it's a Jap product. They're taking over! At least with Pearl Harbor, we knew we were getting attacked.. but with this invasion of Nip products, it's even sneakier, you know?

Richard Hayden: wanting badly to sneak out of the studio ] Uh.. yeah.. Well, it's made here in the U.S.A., Janet.. And do you know what's the best part? The price!

Janet Miles: Okay, here comes the catch.. this has to cost a lot of money. Your invention makes good-tasting pasta in under four minutes. It's durable and so simple to use, even a Puerto Rican can figure it out! [ all the phones start ringing at once ] And it makes enough for a family of six. Now, this must cost at least $200. Am I right?

Richard Hayden: [ totally embarrassed ] Yeah.. uh.. I mean no. It's much less.. it's $39.95.. [ waving his hands in protest ] But I just want to say..

Janet Miles: I know. Let's take some more calls and sell some pasta-makers! Caller, you're on "Time Savers"!

Caller #3: [ speaks in Spanish ]

Janet Miles: Who, whoa, whoa! Pepe! Pepe! Slow down! We'll have to find a Spanish-speaking operator to take your order. Next caller, you're on "Timesavers"!

Caller #4: [ outraged ] Listen to me, you crazy bitch! I'm gonna find out where you live, and you will pay!!

Janet Miles: Me pay? Why don't you pay, for one of these pasta-makers? [ addressing her audience ] You simply cannot go wrong at $39.95. Call now, because you couldn't buy it cheaper off a drunken Indian! [ the phones go crazy, and Richard ducks for safety below the counter ] The orders are pouring in, and we'll see you, next time on "Amazing Time Savers"

Big thanks to Confederate Yankee, Six Meat Buffet, MVRWC, Michelle Malkin, and Dave at Garfield Ridge

Update -- I really didn't know who this guy was and had misspelled his name, since corrected.

Friday, September 02, 2005


Ryan over at Rambling Rhodes quotes a commenter from strip mining for whimsy that does a really good job of illustrating the problems being faced in N.O.

What's going on in Louisiana - pretty much a logistical nightmare actually.

The storm and subsequent flooding have reduced access to the city down to one or two major roads. Most of the boats are toast and navigable waterways are no longer navigable because they're clogged with debris (cars, shipping containers, damaged vessels, chunks of buildings...) The airports are also submerged. So basically there are very few options for getting stuff into or getting stuff out of the city.

The breaches in the levees are immense and they haven't figured out yet how to drop enough stuff in there to plug them. The Corps (who have a lot of experience in stopping up vast volumes of water - particularly along the Mississippi) has been dropping their biggest sand bags into the breaches for a couple of days - not working. They'd love to drop a few barges in to plug up the holes but they can't get them there due to the aforementioned crap clogging up the waterways.

There is much more. Go read it all.

God do I hope this is televised

As soon as this is done I'm going to order up the pay per view of Mike Tyson beating the shit out of a five year old. Then I'm going outside to take care of some ants with my magnifying glass... but I guess that's a little weird.

Thanks to Beth at MVRWC.